I (heart) Sam

In an attempt to kill the prior Blog for the better good...I will push through my self perscibed social anxieties and post a entry which I never posted out of sheer nervousness. You see...I have a hard enough telling my family (which I haven't given birth to) and best friends how much I love and admire them, let alone the Husband of one of those aforementioned friends.

But here it goes...I (heart) Sam!

Okay...Please allow my disclaimer before my Delaware girlfriends hold and Intervention. I go on official record stating that though your men are (in their own right) hella sexy, spiritual, beautiful men and being the crazy, see it and speak it type of person that I am. Unless I was to lose my temple recommend, my own beautiful (on the inside and out) Husband, all of your friendships and my back-up plans (lol) I would still have the issue of being physically attracted to men which come to this earth being a bit darker complected. (Mitchell and I talk sometimes about what we would have done had we each met the love of our life's in a differently wrapped package...For all those who are interested, we would have walked down the isle and been happy and blessed to do so...but would still enjoy (as we do now) feasting on the various forms of eye candy which God has placed on His green earth) So it is my official position that my playful banter by no means what so ever means that I want your men or that I don't appreciate, love or respect my own. As everyone who knows me knows, that what I say I would say with or without him present (and usually go home and tell him) and it is and has been part of "our" playful banter from the beginning of "us".

With that being said :) I stood at the door of Nursery with Zion in my arms and Mitchell to my right with Cy, our newly 18 month old twins. Half of my self wanted to throw them over the play gate and run for dear life, the other half of me stood in silent fear as I held my beautiful son. Thousands of thoughts streamed through my head as I fake smiled and was apparently holding inquisitive conversations as a stall tactic. I found myself physically unable to allow myself to hand over my son. Lorien and Sam have been the Nursery leaders in our Ward for a while and Lorien, because we are such good friends is aware of my concerns and Zion's "questionable" tendencies. I trust her to deal with my children the way that I would and recognize if there was something wrong and to come and get me if needed. But there were new leaders there and Zion bangs his head into the floor, hits himself, bites and hits people of authority who make him do what he doesn't want to do. So far, he has not bit Cy or any other children but he is aggressive with Cy for toys, food, etc. but that seems to be just a "twin thing" in them both. We still take him to the Geneticist very three months and the just don't know. So to explain this type of information to people in the Ward that I do not trust and especially when I don't even know if this will be an issue in Nursery or not, was more than I could deal with as I held him tight and felt hopeless panic. Grasping at straws I asked Lorien a question I already knew the answer to "Lorien are you going to be in here?" She has a new calling in the Primary Presidency and would not be in Nursery. Mitchell then dropped Cy over the gate and I was blind-sided by a sister who was apologizing for her obnoxious phone practices and that she didn't realize she had called so many times. I took care of that conversation and It would seem that being blind-sided was a good thing because I proceeded to drop Zion over the gate, pushing all my issues to the back of my head, and followed Mitchell to class.

After class, I peeked in and Zion was chomping on snack which he seemed to be enjoying and Cy was sitting contently next to him. (sign of relief as I walked to Relief Society)

After church I saw Sam in the hall he walked up to me and just started to tell me how great Zion and Cy did. He let me know that Zion played well, that he picked certain toys and stuck with them through the whole time. That he enjoyed snack most of all...like mother like son! That he got a bit fussy towards the end but the he thought he was just a bit tired. I literally stood there staring up at Sam so grateful for him and his attention to details as he stood in the middle of the hall, holding back traffic with Hannah in one arm and someone else's child in the other. Gracie in front of him anxiously waiting to move on. I needed him and didn't even know it but he listened to the Spirit and took the time. It was interesting that 99.9% of all the information that he gave me had to do with Zion and he was the only one that I was worried about as I dropped them off.

(First day of Nursery picture...Thanks Phoenix)

The last two weeks of Nursery have been without Sam and I would like to start a "Bring Back Sam" campaign as my two beautiful twins have now taken to screaming as soon as we get to the Nursery door and are eventually brought to me gasping for air after no one can get them to calm down and from what I was told by the Nursery Leader himself...Zion was left to scream, and bang his head in the corner, while no one consoled him. Who does that? Mitchell is actually talking about volunteering to be a "helper" in there as he spent a good 20 minutes in there on Sunday and was deeply concerned with the level of detail in trying to teach vs. consoling and helping to acclimate the children to new leaders and such...especially when the Nursery is so young. Teaching 18-24 month old's to pray is not a first priority when some children are screaming in the corner...yet if you want perfect babies sitting and listening and get your Sister to run all the children to their parents. You can have what Mitchell and I saw on Sunday. Four or five children left (I believe there to be at least 10-14 children in Nursery) at a table eating their fishies in quiet desperation as they were spoken at about the way to open a proper prayer, what should be included in such prayer and a proper ending. (Believe me...I mean no disrespect to the current leaders of Nursery as it is a difficult calling and they may just need to get their feet wet...this was in no way meant to "call" them out. It is just me venting my frustrations at still having to sit and deal with my squirmy, wanting to run and play, little people who should be in Nursery, so that Mitchell and I can actually have some type of ability to pay attention and truly hear during classes...Dang it!)

Did I happen to mention that I love Sam! I love Sam! I love Sam! I miss him....Bring him home to Nursery!