The Chameleon Which Now Refuses To Disappear

(Sophomore year @ Rick's College...Missy, Sonia, Debbie and me...weekend trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming)

Excuse me and my incessant need to over think and over analyze EVERYTHING! I read the below on "she who shall remain nameless's" blog about 24 hours ago and quite frankly it is all that I can think about.

"I turned on the TV and the history channel was spotlighting bull riding and a few particular horrific rides. You first have to know that this vent is coming from a girl who wore a cowboy hat for several years while working on a farm blaring Brooks N Dunn as loud as possible in her car. I spent the night in the Cow Barn at the Fair, screamed during the bull riding events and had friends participating in the demolition derby. And I had a custom painted license plate in my back window that said "Country Girl Can Survive" that I proudly displayed on my way to weekly line dancing. See, this is why my blog is private. Because I have now shared the most demoralizing, embarrassing part of my life that I try to forget most days. A lot of it came from the environment I lived in, and there were moments on the farm that I wouldn't trade for the world. But all in all, this was not me. This was me playing, and trying to fit in, and follow the crowd. It had "fun" moments, but my spirit was not being used for what it was intended. I truly feel unrelated to this person now, for which I am grateful only to a loving Father in Heaven who helped steer me back to the land of the living. "

(So much for your "private" blog...lol)

The reason I cannot get this out of my head is specifically the quote "This was not me. This was me playing, and trying to fit in, and follow the crowd."

I, personally, so identify with this quote. At one point in my life my nickname was "The Chameleon" due to the fact that you could take me anywhere with any group of people and I had the skills to acclimate myself to "fit in". This was not a new trait for that time in my life...I have had that trait for a long time and perfected it over the years for the sole use of self preservation. Yet I do not believe that it was a conscious state of being until much later in life. This chameleon-like ability is a great asset in a running buddy but not such a great trait in knowing and loving oneself. You see...the greatest protection that the chameleon has is to make itself disappear and by following the crowd and trying to fit in I was unconsciously allowing myself to disappear in the process.

Yet...my views of the world have forever been changed because of the gift of losing myself.

I picked Sociology as a major for a reason...

What a Sociologist does is immerse themselves into a specific culture of people. They learn the language, the traditions, the ways of life with the littlest amount of disruption possible. They participate as deemed appropriate to gain trust and understanding during the process. When the assignment is over they walk away with a life long gift...an "insider's view" of another culture...of something they otherwise never would have understood or may even have known existed.

I myself have always been attracted to specific people. In the past...if I met someone and I was attracted to who they were as an individual and I wanted to know more about them. That would begin my process of Chameleon like behavior.

This gift has brought me not only some of my favorite parts about myself that I might not have found without living life though another's eyes but the following fun experiences to share...

*Fishing off a covered bridge with a campfire in the background...talking all night with one of my favorite "boys" in the world.

*Singing on the steps on the Lincoln Memorial and being pictured in the Washington Post for it.

*Sitting at every Utah State Football game in the freezing cold drinking "yummy" hot chocolate and learning to love and understand the game.

*Watching Tori Amos perform to 500 people with just a microphone and a piano...AMAZING!

*The ability to beat my husband at Madden

*Sneaking to a local spot while in HS to watch the bass guitarist I loved...play his hard rock and swing that long hair that I thought was so sexy.

*Going 4 wheeling, putting on a cowboy hat, and admitting that all country songs aren't that bad. (they tried to break me...but I guess I just never found the right person to take me down the country road)

and that is just to name a few. In losing myself, and experiencing other's ways of life, I was able to find myself...I believe more quickly than I would have without my chameleon ways. I still have some of these tendencies...I still am attracted to specific people but now I am quick to lay myself out there with a take it or leave it attitude because if you can put up with the person I know that I am "the chameleon which now refuses to disappear" the Sociologist in me will still watch quietly and methodically pick your brain...lol

So to...Ms "unrelated to that person now" pull out that cowboy hat and boots...even if only for your man...and ride 'em cowgirl!

At least there was no camouflage in your wedding dress...lol :)

Another Migraine and a Trip to Throw-up...

For all of those who know are aware of the particular situation which was planned to come to a head this morning at 10am. I will let you know that all is back to normal in the Mitchell home!

Everyone is fine...and always has been.

I am again humbled by the power of our Father in Heaven and the protection that is provided in our lives.

We, as mothers of this generation, are certainly raising the Stripling Warrior's of our day and the Great Deceiver will do all in his power to bring down those Mighty Spirits which will stand and receive their Savior on that great day. We can rest in the peace that our Father protects His plan...and we are each a large and mighty part of that great plan!

No matter how difficult the trial. When the smoke clears and the eternal perspective is revealed the gift always far surpasses the glitch in time. It always returns to faith. It is hard to try and control your spinning world and have Faith at the same time...I might even say it is impossible...and I believe that is part of the plan we must submit and hand the control to our Father and try our best to cope with the stress (note the name of the post...my "day of" coping skill...a migraine and a trip to throw-up)

I must take this opportunity to express gratitude again for my amazing friends!

Those who called the morning of and let me know I was being watched out for...you have no idea...you brought the Spirit to the whole situation...I so was in need of you! Without you we would not have had the experience that we did.

Those of you who hung out with me at all hours and allowed my mind not to "think" and completely allowed me to share my favorite TV shows, talk, and of course when stresses...make and bake all day! (that would have meant something completely different 15 years ago but now it means food...lol)

Those of you who walk with me and let me vent all my emotions in our "safe zone".

Those of you who allow me my anti-social behavior during stress yet still love me! There are some people who would so be insulted when I stand them up, not call them back, and not follow the "polite" social norms.

Those of you who don't know what is going on but are now intrigued, concerned, and relieved and love me and my family enough to be!

All five Mitchell Children as babies...

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Meet my Bloggie Roll...

I have gone digging for old pictures today and some of you have new photos below...Enjoy! :) (Jen, Michelle, Lorien, Amy and of course...Me)

This was to date the most difficult Blog I have done!

(ps...I stole pictures from many of your Blogs...I will take your complaints by e-mail...lol...Thanks :)

There is a reason that I do not share my testimony often in a public forum...it is because I do not feel as though I can create the words to do my feelings justice. But I also wanted to return the joy that I received in hearing from my friends who openly exposed themselves and their feelings and second to push myself outside of that which makes me comfortable. So for these two reasons...Here it is the highly anticipated Bloggie Roll!

Adam and Megan~ Adam was one of my brother Daniel's friends from his mission to San Francisco, California. From the day Daniel brought him back to our home to meet everyone...he was family! Then he brought home his beautiful wife Megan and the rest was history. I have never met two people who were so immediately attractive to me. Their personalities are award winning! Their spirits are magnetizing! Their sense of humor keeps me rolling! They had a hard time bringing their first son into this world and since going through that myself I see how that changes you as a parent and as a person in the mortal existence. They are exemplars of Christ in all that they do and I am proud to know and call them my friends. As my brother Daniel said and I do believe I can also add Adam to the mix..."When God made Megan (and Adam) he broke the mold" I only wish that they lived closer to me so that I could play with them instead of just Blogging with them!

Amy~ Amy is in my Ward in Delaware and recently moved here from Arizona. Amy is so right...we so would have been best friends in college! But now-a-days...for some reason...when Amy is around I feel the need to giggle like a little girl, dance the night away, share my secrets, and/or skinny dip in the neighbors pool. (Hey...that is an idea for Wed night...lol) Amy is another one of my dear Type A personality friends. Some of my best friends are those with heavy Type A personalities. I enjoy people who tell the uncluttered truth. Another of my Type A best friends, Kendrick, always says "you can serve all information on a silver platter or on a garbage can lid...which are you choosing to serve your information on?" I have always seen Amy serving from a silver platter and I respect the work that goes into doing that! I myself have a tendency to serve from a garbage can lid, which is why Kendrick has to continue to repeat that saying to me all the time! Amy is living life with a passion for all things and all people with an equality which is rarely found. Amy unwittingly pushes me to extend my personal boundaries and once and for all get rid of the "softer spots" which emotionally have held me back in the past. She has an amazing personal strength which I recognize and want her to know that I do. Amy's Christ-like Spirit show's in all aspects of her life while she lives the Gospel that she holds so dear. She is an example to me and I look forward to getting to know more of who and what she is all about.

April~ April is my sister. I am 5'5 and she is 5'11. I am a strawberry-blonde and she is a dirty-blonde. Except for those two things we really look very much alike! Did I mention what a hottie she is? :) We are both the queen's of yo-yo'ing weight wise...so when we are about the same size it pretty much freaks my husband out! We are also a lot alike personality wise although to admit it is not very fun! April is one of the sweetest, kindest people that I know but she can also be quite bitchy if the mood strikes her. April served a mission to Canada which is something I have always admired about her. I know what a difficult thing that was for her but she followed the Lord in Faith and her efforts were blessed. There are many things which I admire about April but I believe the thing that I admire the most is her patience as she waits for the blessings promised her. I personally know how hard it is to wait for our "Heavenly Fathers timeline" at times frustration can be an understatement and the loneliness of the situation seems unbearable but April...Girl...you will have it all and then some....Believe that~! I love you!

Chuck~ Chuck and I grew up in the same Ward in Rockville, Maryland. Chuck is the baby of the Huband Clan. Somehow, Somewhere he grew into a man. He married a pretty amazing woman from what I can tell on the Blog and had themselves one of the cutest Mullet babies I have ever seen!

Daniel and Katie~ Daniel is my brother. He has been an anchor for me the majority of my life. Daniel may be younger than I but his wisdom, depth, spirit, character and comprehension of almost all things spiritual/emotional/behavioral in nature far surpasses me each and every time we talk. Daniel is also a lot of fun! He enjoys playing, the beach, the TV, and music. Okay we enjoy the same types of activities which makes him a lot of fun to me. He also is a Mortician by trade which I think is one of the coolest jobs ever and I would like to watch him do his job at some point. Katie is Daniel's prettier half and I happen to enjoy her very much as well. Her sarcasm makes me laugh...a lot! I think her parenting skills are amazing and I am so impressed and so put to shame...lol


Jason and Michelle~ (see Blog dated May 17th)

Jennifer~ Jennifer is in my Ward here in Delaware. Every time I speak to Jen I am impressed with her knowledge, understanding, and ability to explain even the most difficult of things. Her stories have shown to be interesting and inspirational and at times I find myself wanting to pick her brain because I seem to know there is so much more in there she is holding back which is so intriguing to me and my senses of who people are and why they do what they do. I am so impressed with Jen and her taking the bull by the horns and homeschooling her son Austin when the school was not meeting his individual needs. Then continuing to homeshool when Carter was ready for school too. What dedication, perseverance and patience...Superwoman!

(No pictures of Jen...she is highly illusive apparently on her own Blog as well! Very suspicious Jennifer...are you currently on the run?)

Linda~ Linda grew up with me in Rockville, Maryland. One day she was just Lori Huband's little sister and the next day she was a person I knew before the world was. What do you say about a person like this? She is family~! She gets me on a level few ever have...Because she was there through most of my life she knows the majority of things without explanation. I am okay to just be~no matter what I ever say or do in this world were Linda is concerned I will always hold this same status...this I know! I do believe this relationship is the closest example that I feel to that of a Heavenly status here on this earth. Linda is my sister...she is my friend...I learn from her and I love her each and everyday regardless of how often we talk. Jessen's status went up 100 fold the minute they got unlimited long distance at their home!

(Sue, Me and Linda)

Lisa~ Lisa also grew up with me in Rockville. She was a year older than I was and oh, so much cooler! She was and still is the life of any party! She is a hot little redhead and damn if she wasn't the only one of the "growing up in the Ward" girls good enough to date Doug. (we all still hate you for that :) lol...seriously :) Lisa is such a great friend....she always worked so much harder than everyone else to keep everyone in touch. She reached out to ensure we always knew where each other were and she came to visit me many times. I am so glad for Blogs because now I don't feel like such a loser friend to one of my dearest and closest friends! Lisa is hilarious and for some reason when you are with her we are always doing something crazy and off the wall...the kind of things that I am now telling my girlfriends the stories which all start "When I was in High School I..." and some how Lisa was with me during all of them. Lisa you made my life happier, more fun, and definitely crazy~! and for that I will always be grateful...I love you girl!

Lorien~ Lorien is someone I have known from a far for about 10 years now. She was in the Newark Ward when we first moved to Delaware. A year or so ago she moved into the Smyrna Ward and a couple of months ago I decided to get to know her up close and personal...I do not even know where to begin? Quite frankly I don't think our friendship has even scratched the surface yet and I already love you to pieces! I have told you things that (In Delaware) only my husband knows...How did that even happen? lol. Your personality is so refreshing you are sneaky and a bit on the devious side which I enjoy :) Hella funny and off the wall which leaves me always smiling. Humble, living the gospel principles and reverent which is always impressive to me. I love to see you with your family...you and Sam are so in love and Gracie and Hannah are so lucky to be a part of your Eternal Plan. I am so glad that you finally shed your cocoon...because you are just such a beautiful Lorien butterfly and I am privileged to call you my friend!

Michelle~ Michelle is also in my Ward here in Delaware. Michelle makes me happy! With Michelle it is always tell it like it is no matter how ugly it is because you know what we all have ugly days! It doesn't make us less than it actually makes us better than...because we can actually admit it...deal with it...smile about it...and move on to the next day. Michelle and I are a lot alike when it comes to "issues" they just present in different ways :) It is so comforting to know that you are understood on a level that many view as non-existent. Michelle speaks many, many times directly to my Spirit and will leave me in tears as she is telling me a story about people and things I know nothing about...I love that about Michelle!

Nancy~ Nancy grew up with me in Rockville. (Wow Nancy...I just realized...this is not going to be easy!) Nancy was Doug's little sister. Doug was the only boy in a Sunday School class full of girls (myself included) for many years. He was so cute! All of us girls who were in that class were soooo in love with him (puppy love...you know that 5th grade...he's so cute...kinda love) But as we grew it was as any other friendship which grows and develops over the span of eight years. We had mutual respect and cared for each other because of all of the things we had been through during the years of growing up together. Doug graduated and started at BYU and was killed in a car accident that first year, while traveling to an away game for the BYU Lacrosse Team. That first Thanksgiving after Doug's death his family (now living in Utah) hosted all of the Rockvillites that were out at school to the whole holiday break. I am not aware if any healing took place at that time for their family but it was such a lifeline to me as I was so stuck in a place of childhood lost. That is the time I really got to see just what Nancy was made of. I had always seen the funny, happy, and lighthearted side of Nancy but at this time....during this period of sorrow I was able to see a strength of character, a Faith in a Father's Heavenly love, and a knowledge of a only brother who still exists but is just a little harder to see... Nancy you showed me what it is to be strong when you really don't want to be. I am grateful for you and your example~ I am also grateful for having known and loved your brother. I miss him and think of him often!

(Me, Jeremy, Laura, Nancy, Jen, Lisa and Karen)

(Nancy and Doug...this is how I remember Doug looking during the fifth grade puppy love phase and Miss Nancy what an adorable little sister you are?)

(This picture of Doug makes my heart hurt...we spent many grueling early morning hours in the pool together. He made me a better swimmer for sure!)

Twins First Birthday on the Fifth of July!

Look how far we have come~Zion (6 days old)


Cy (a few minutes old)



Zion and Cy eating and enjoying their birthday ice cream sandwiches (the biggest hit to date out of all my children's birthday treats...they ate them up!)Cy loves to eat by the handful!

Zion loves his Little Tikes Bubble Blower but was a bit weary of the bubbles

Cy enjoyed the bubbles as Cy enjoys almost everything!

As you can see from this picture Zion found his way to my lap during the bubble blowing festivities!

Bugspray and Sunblock But No Air Conditioner

So during a recent conversation with a few close friends...the girl who your mother warned you about...you know the type...the one that your mother always said..."if she told you to jump off a bridge would you follow her?"...Well apparently I so would! because my dear friend Amy suggested a camp out with five women and our 14 kids (this was excluding three of the babies) and I was so on board...that is until the heat wave!

We set up camp in 100 degree heat and high humidity. Jen, Amy and I were working like a well oiled machine. I must say I was quite impressed with us. It was a really good thing that Amy was great at giving directions! Apparently Jen and I are pretty good at following them too...lol (I do believe my husband would beg to differ though)

After setting up camp, Michelle and her family showed up and Jen took all the kids to the playground while the rest of us warmed up dinner and finished setting up camp. We had a yummy dinner of spaghetti and meat sauce with butter bread.

We then made a campfire to roast marshmallows for the children and smores for the adults of course! Stone had gathered a forest full of pinecones to throw into the fire as mini fireworks. And weeks later...Avery is still talking about her favorite part of the camp-out being when Dallin B's marshmallow caught on fire.

I would have to say that my least favorite part was putting the kids to bed and having to lay down with mine as they fell asleep. I lay in the tent in the middle of the 100 degree heat with the humidity and remembered Jen's prayer for breeze as I felt sweat dripping off every part of my body. No one could sleep and each of my children were sure to let me know how hot they were. Later than sooner it seemed...Phoenix and Avery were able to fall asleep but Stone stood the test of time and was creeping around the campsite until around 1am.

All the adults met back at the picnic tables for a little bit of Mommy time and enjoyed the sound of thunder rolling in and the nice breeze that Jen so graciously prayed for :) It was a fun time surrounded by nature and I was happy to be enjoying it with my friends minus one who was apparently sick in the hospital but shame on me for thinking she was just ducking out on us and avoiding her deep distain for heat...as I so would not have blamed her because I had thought about it many, many times that day.

As I lay on the hard ground...trying to fall asleep. I was proud of my excursion to the woods and so hoped it would be cooler in the morning.

I awoke to the sound of loud, loud birds. My goodness...and I believe that I slept on a rock. We had pancake and turkey bacon breakfast and cleaned up camp. Same deal as the day before Amy as the expert and Jen and Chris and the faithful leaders. I do believe that if ever asked again I could set up and break down my own tent...I know....sad that I couldn't do it before but I am excited I can now. In my defence...we slept in cabins at Girls Camp....Can I get a witness....Linda, Lisa?

Then it was off the the waterpark which is located on the same State Park as was the camping facility. The kids were ecstatic to get swimming and quite frankly, after the heat and lack of shower from the day prior...so was I. The waterpark is a great time~ we finished up and headed out in the late afternoon.

I was so proud of myself and of all us "Mommies" in general. We packed up those dang kids, drug them to the woods, camped in a heat wave, survived, and took them to a waterpark to boot.

I am Superwoman and I so hang out with Super women...even the ones who go to the hospital to get out of having to go camping during a heat wave~! Lol.