Starting Over

I have played this moment over and over in my head for days now...I have been feeling the need to reattach myself to my Blog world. As I sit here in front of a blinking cursor for the last twenty minutes the only feelings which will come are those of gratitude, humility, love and lessons learned. So I believe it is there where I will start...

What I have learned during the most painful days of my life so far...

My Father in Heaven, in His great wisdom and love sent His Son, Jesus Christ running to my aide. I have been lifted and strengthend beyond my ability. Myself and my children are being protected and administered to by angels who abide on both sides of the veil. The Holy Ghost is hard at work guiding my hand meticulously thorough this process...For I know that my family is being personally attended to by my Father in Heaven and in Him nothing is impossible...We will be okay.

My family may be crazy but we are always there for each other when it counts and they were all there for me when it really counted! (To add more information almost seems to be taking some of the power away from the situation and so I will leave it at that)

No matter how long it has been, your real friends always share in your happiness and support you in your sorrow. I have felt the prayers and the love from each and every one of you. Those who travelled to make it to the funeral...that sucked we saw each other after so long but didn't get to play :( maybe next time...who's got the pictures? Those of you who I have known and loved forever and just popped out of the woodwork, those who are only a phone call away but we only talk a few times a year, those of you who love me and my family and we are in your thoughts and prayers and then we cannot forget "my girls"...those who are always around and I just never pick up the phone (just come to my house...you guys know the rules!) Each and every one of you are my friends for different reasons known only to me and possible to you...if I have made you the lucky recipient of that information...lol. Each of you supported my in the way that only you could for me. Thank you!

Losing your spouse is the best diet plan in the world, yet I would not recommend it. The side effects really suck!

You honestly never know the sheer number of people and how deeply you effect them until you die. Part of me thinks that is quite sad...I believe it is human nature to protect your raw emotions from others as they might take advantage of them or turn around and hurt or reject us with our own words so we choose not to share them...and believe me...I get that! But Mitchell in his wildest dreams would not have imagined the letters and kind words of admiration and love I have received from friends, co-workers, neighbors, parents and children on his T-ball team, the kids school and many other places. I love to hear the stories and read the letters and view it as a tribute to the man the kids and I know he is!

When my whole world feel apart I still found joy in three things...(besides churchy things) my children, vacuuming, and showers. I still do a lot more of them then I used to. (I don't know how I can vacuum more, but I do) I am dumbfounded that TV feel off the list but I think that it was because it was something that Mitchell and I loved to do together and for some reason my mind cant stick to the subject of the TV show...it almost seems that the shows seem so inconsequential at this point in my life.

People have been so kind and gracious to me and to my children. The blessings haven't stopped it is as if the windows of heaven have opened and we do not have room enough to receive.

I have been blessed with the love of my life for 11 years he has given me five beautiful children and millions of amazing memories to hold dear and to share with who ever will listen about the man who I called Mitchell and sometimes called Dipshill. He is so missed in our home and I cannot tell if it is getting better everyday or worse as he has been gone longer...but I know one thing for sure it will get better eventually.